I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
