The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
