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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis

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• (408): View more from California

  I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.

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• (415): View more from California

  How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid

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• (845): View more from New York

  I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I couldn't have possibly been that bad

  (716): View more from New York

  You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls

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