I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
