Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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