Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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