All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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