I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
