The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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