When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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