We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
