Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
