I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
