had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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