I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
