UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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