don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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