we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
