Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
