addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
