can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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