Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
