Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
