Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
