I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
