twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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