Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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