Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
should my penis look like a turkey
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
