she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
