Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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