i jhust puked up my retainher.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
