Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
