i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As shirtless as possible
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
