Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
