we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
