Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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