I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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