If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
