but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
