I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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