just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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