well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
