I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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