Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
