I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
