the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have tasted many bathrooms
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
