We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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