The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
