you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
