i need an iv and a liver transplant
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
